Well, that was miserable.
The Phillies had a chance to clinch at home last night and instead we all got to watch the Milwaukee Brewers lock up a first-round bye — at Citizens Bank Park. Our building. Our champagne budget. Their party.
Brewers 4, Phillies 1. Win number 99 for them. Loss number "I don't want to talk about it" for us.
0-for-12
Here's the box score line that should be illegal: the Phillies went 0-for-12 with runners in scoring position and stranded 10 runners. Ten! They loaded the bases with nobody out in the second inning and scratched out exactly one run. That's not an offense, that's a group project where nobody did the reading.
Aaron Nola gave up solo shots to Brice Turang and Christian Yelich in the first two innings, William Contreras tacked on a two-run single, and that was genuinely the whole game. Nola struck out eight over six and honestly deserved better — which has been the theme of his entire cursed 7-11 season.
Meanwhile the Brewers kid, Logan Henderson, moved to 11-3 shutting us down for five innings. Twenty-four years old, faced us twice in a week, barely blinked. Cool. Love that for October.
Tonight: The Kid Gets the Ball
Series finale tonight at the Bank, and the clinch scenario is alive again. Magic number is 2. Phillies win tonight AND Arizona loses, and it's officially Red October. Yes, that means we're rooting for the Rockies. The Rockies. A franchise that has done us exactly zero favors in its entire existence. Light a candle.
And who's pitching the maybe-clinch game? Andrew Painter. He of the 3-10 record and the ERA in the fives.
Before you spiral: the rookie year has been a grind, but the arm is still the arm, and word is the Phillies are keeping him on normal rest partly because they're eyeing him as a bullpen weapon in October. So tonight is a job interview, a clinch game, and a redemption arc all at once. No pressure, kid. It's just the entire city's blood pressure.
Worst case, we don't clinch tonight and this thing wraps up over the weekend anyway — we're 87-71, tied with the Cubs, comfortably ahead of Arizona with four to play. It's happening. The only question is whether we get to celebrate at the Bank or watch it happen on a phone at a bar. Again.
Quick Hits From the Rest of the City
The Birds don't play until Monday night against the Bears, so naturally the biggest Eagles story of the week is a tailgating war. The Linc's new lot rules — oversized vehicles corralled into specific lots, a hundred bucks per extra spot — have the parking lot faithful in open revolt, and "Save Philadelphia Tailgating" is officially a movement. Never change, Philly. We'll riot over a parking spot before we riot over a safety rotation.
Sixers camp opens Tuesday in Camden, and ESPN's top-100 dropped with Maxey, Jaylen Brown, AND LeBron all in the top 20. Three top-20 players. On the Sixers. I keep saying it out loud and it keeps sounding fake.
And the Flyers "dodged a bullet" with Dan Vladař's upper-body injury, per Tocchet — which in preseason hockey speak means anything from "he's fine" to "see you in November." We'll take it.
Tonight's Assignment
Phillies. Brewers. Painter. A broom to avoid, a clinch to chase, and a Rockies box score to refresh like a lunatic.
One win. One Arizona loss. Champagne's still on ice — it's getting real cold in there.
Go Phils.
Is anyone else weirdly at peace handing a clinch game to a rookie with a 3-10 record, or have I just run out of stress hormones? Tell me it's not just me.
